Who is Kaylie?

I love Kaylie Stewart.

That’s a weird thing to say, since she came from my mind. Does that make me a narcissist for loving my own characters? Or is it okay to admire your own creations? I admire my children, so why not the characters I create?

The fact is that I think of the characters (Ray, Kaylie, Estia) from my novel Transmigrant as my friends. I miss them when I’m not writing about them. I think of them as friends I haven’t seen in a while. I feel like I should pick up the phone and call them. I wonder, does this mean, that I should write about them?

In the second chapter of Transmigrant (Which was the first chapter I wrote), Ray Decker is a farmer on the planet Tellarius. For reasons later revealed, Niruku corporation sends out an assassin to kill him. In the final version of the story, it is a nameless enforcer. But it was not always so.

I began with the vision of a female assassin: Kaylie Stewart. I gave her a tragic backstory, which was intended to show why she became a cold-blooded killer for Niruku. But the deeper I got into her story—the more pain and suffering I wrote for her—the more I wanted her to succeed. I wanted her to overcome her beginnings, and I began to fall in love with her as a character.

As I breathed life into her, she became so real and alive to me. Perhaps that’s vanity. Perhaps it’s only a connection with my inner self. But I didn’t just assemble her out of a list of character traits, I really discovered her over time, revealed her heart, watched her grow, and stood by her as she made impossible choices.

So, I pulled her out of the hell I created for her and made her a main character. Because I loved her that much. Her backstory is no longer quite so tragic (although there is certainly tragedy there!) mostly because I couldn’t do that to her. I guess I’m not George R. R. Martin who doesn’t mind abusing and killing his characters (sometimes just for the shock value), and that’s okay. I’m me. With my own voice, for better or worse.

When I was editing the third chapter, I was really struggling with it. At some point, I considered just scrapping the whole thing and starting over. But I had become wise enough at that point to invite my characters along for the edits.

I swear it was just as if Kaylie whispered to me: I would never have said that! And she was right. The words of dialogue I had for her in Chapter 3 no longer fit who she was or had ever been. Why? Because she evolved as I wrote her. It wasn’t just that she had a character arc (which, of course, you want), but sometimes you don’t really even know the characters until you are done with the book.

There are times when the characters must lead the author. The risk, of course, is that they dump you in the middle of a cornfield with nowhere to go once they reach the end of their thinking, and it doesn’t always work out, but you’ve got to listen to your characters’ distinct voices if you’re going to tell a believable story.

So, I love Kaylie Stewart. She may not walk the earth, but she lives in my soul. She comes from somewhere deep and honest, shaped by the best and hardest parts of me. Admiring her is a kind of self-respect, too—recognizing that something inside me is capable of compassion, complexity, strength, and beauty.

I think I should love my characters. If I don’t, how can I expect readers to?

So no—this isn’t narcissism. This is art. I hope this is the good part of art.

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Transmigrant, a survival thriller in a science fiction setting, can be found on Amazon and Audible.

As of the time of this writing, I still have some free Audible credits left (US and UK) available in exchange for fair reviews.

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