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Travis Rodgers's avatar

Happy to be the first comment, Stephen!

There have been a few interesting treatments of this theme, notably in Oblivion. I didn't think that either the book or the film quite worked, but I appreciated what they were going for.

I think you've painted an inviting picture. I'm interested enough that I'll check out part 2. I don't think you need her speech in the first half of the text. It distracts from an otherwise interesting flow of events. The strength of this is in the internal conversation and her behavior, rather than what she says to herself when it's just her. Nice work.

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